Poems About Me #2 - Nagging Questions

Poems About Me #2

Nagging Questions

What if this is the best possible life I could have lived?
What if I really did my best and it just wasn't that great?
What if I didn't do my best but I think I did?
What if everyone knows I could have done better?
What if everyone knows what I did?
What if everyone hates me as much as I do?
What if this is what loving yourself looks like?
What if this is the closest I'll come to love?
What if this love has peaked?
What if I'm the one that's bad?
What if you already knew that and didn't say anything?
What if all of the things I think are out of my control aren't?
What if I thought that was an accident and you know it wasn't?
What if I did something terrible to you, something you think about every day, and I don't even care enough to remember?
What if you're telling a story about me right now?
What if I'm the butt of your jokes?
What if you have a photo of me passed out naked?
What if you sit down with the photo and you trace your fingers across my stretchmarks?
What if you found me asleep and put your finger into my stretchmark and your finger fit in there and you thought about how much a person would have to eat?
What if you called my childhood friends and asked them about me?
What if I didn't have any?
What if God froze time and saw me doing that?
What if Santa knew?
What if there was a camera in the confession booth when I made up that sin because I didn't understand what sin was supposed to be?
What if I don't believe in being bad and I've always acted that way?
What if I never heard a thing I believed?
What if this all comes from me?
What if I can't blame myself on someone else?
When can I die?
Where will I die?
Will I really die loved?
Will I die of natural causes?
When I kill myself who will I still know?
Who will find my body?
When they find my body, who will look at it?
What will they think about when they find my body?
Will they touch my body, and where?
Will they fondle me?
When I'm dead, who will know and for how long?
Will people ever be happy?
Is happiness real?
Is happiness good?
If happiness is good, is suffering bad?
What is the best way to die?
What is the best way to live?
Am I doing it?
How many lifetimes would I have to live to learn how to live?
Does anyone have the patience for that?

Poems About Me #1 - What I Need

Poems About Me #1

What I Need

I need to be recognized for my largesse and importance,
My priority in the grand scheme (#1)
To be the first and last consideration and all the ones in between.
When you think about what you need, remember that your needs are wants, and your wants should be to fulfill my needs.

Let's start here:
I need you to go back and re-read the first four lines; I'll wait.
Speak them aloud, like a mantra.  Have some respect.
Show me the respect I deserve, all of it.

When you think you know better remember that you know me and that is enough
When you think you have the right, remember that my needs are your rights and submit them to me
Take the last part of what you saved for yourself and dump it into me, there's room.

I need the warm hand on my back, the happy tears -
I need a hand-stitched embroidery of me -
I need the gravitas you give your elders but I need your youth too -
I need to outlive you

I need the sweet kisses
I need the love, all of it, every kind - love of others, love of self, love of things, love of animals, joie de vivre, animal love, fake love, spastic love, love of ideas, love of golf, love of loves you have yet to unearth for me
I need your love to turn to hate, so you still have feelings for me
Every feeling, every one, I want them all

When I'm alone I need you to call and hang up before the beep
Then say aloud five wonderful things about me and text them to me
I need space from the mundane, from checking voicemail and filing nails,
But still call so I know you care